Saturday, 7 June 2014

A Letter To My Dad // Fathers Day

Dear Dad

February this year marked the 7th anniversary since you left us down here to go and join in at the never ending party in the sky. It wasn't your choice to go, but you had to.

I can remember the 22nd of February 2007 like it was yesterday. You were picking up your new car in the morning, a brand new Saab 900 Turbo, a car you had your eye on for god knows how long but then when you got home it all went wrong for you. You were complaining of a pain that you thought had happened at work from lifting things, you put yourself to bed in the hope you could sleep it off. You woke up at 6pm and when we asked you what you wanted from the chinese for your tea, you refused to have anything. That wasn't like you at all, you loved your food, especially chinese. Beef curry, chips & rice was your favourite.

Mum went to the pub that night with her mate for the weekly pub quiz so it was just me, you and Saz. She was in bed and i was playing on the computer in my room when you called for me. When you told me that you wanted an ambulance i laughed and told you to shut up, being the practical joker you were of course i wasn't going to take you seriously but you were sweating like crazy and you breathing had gone really strange. Even though you took the piss all the time, you were my dad and i knew something wasn't right. 

The ambulance arrived and i rang up mum to tell her what was happening. The paramedics gave you oxygen and told you to take short breaths, you ignored them and inhaled pretty much half the tank and started to trip out you bloody idiot! Mum came home and off you went to hospital together. 

Then the phone call came an hour later from mum telling me you had died. At the time, Ian & Deb came round to keep me company, i told them and Deb stayed with Saz while Ian drove at top speed to get me to Hull Royal. Sitting in that relatives room, we were all in a daze and stared at the floor. A nurse asked if we wanted to come and see you, no offence dad but i couldn't have seen you lying there lifeless so we said no. I took your jewelery off the nurse, your earring, wedding ring and chain and i burst into tears. That was when it really registered that you had gone because you never took your bling off. Before we could go, we were told what had happened. You got to hospital and fell unconscious. You were pumped with adrenaline and given oxygen and had to be resuscitated but their efforts were in vain. Dad, they tried to save your life for 25 minutes!

By the time we left the hospital it was 3am. We drove home chain smoking! At home, me and mum and Ian & Deb sat around drinking beer and wine to try and numb the feelings, Sarah hadn't woken up once, not even when the paramedics were in the room next door!

The following day, we were told that an autopsy would have to be performed to find the cause of death because it was sudden. The thought of them opening you up actually made me really fucking angry because i just wanted you to be left alone. 

We discovered that your main cause for death was an anurism. You so wanted to die from a heart attack you weirdo! Also, because your diet was so shit and you were as big as you were, you also had a condition that caused your arteries to fill with fat. Dad i hate to say this but you pretty much killed yourself because you ate so much crap! 

Over the next 24 hours we had to ring family and friends and tell them you had gone. Your mum and Carole took it so hard, having to ring them in New Zealand was hard enough with the time delay on the phone without giving them such bad news. We were sent so many bunches of flowers, the house was filled in every corner and every surface. You were seriously fucking loved dad, everyone was grieving as much as we were. 

Poor Sarah, she was so confused about why grandad wasn't around anymore. I was so pleased she was far too young to understand death but it was still very hard to tell her that you would never be coming back. She still hasn't got over it, you 2 were best friends.

You'll be happy to know that at your wake, we took over the entire pub and everyone got drunk in your honour, you would've loved it dad trust me.

So 7 years on, the scars still haven't healed and the pain is still very much real. I went through the year from hell when you and Sully died, you saw the pain etched through me when he died the month before you did, imagine what i went through when you had gone less than 4 weeks later. It was bloody difficult dad, so difficult. 

You didn't seen me graduate, pass my driving test, buy my first car. You will never meet Carl your would be future son in law, You will never meet your grandson Flint, You will never see Sarah go from a child to a teenager....But most of all, you will never be able to walk me down the aisle and that destroys me. I know you would've been so proud to see me marrying Carl and to give me away, even if you would've cracked your infamous joke when i had got ready to go out of ' Are you going to get changed first? '. Your way of being a complete arse! 

I miss you dad, we all do. In some ways i don't miss you because you could be a right bastard when it suited you but no one is perfect. But regardless of your flaws, you were and still are my dad and i just want to say Happy Fathers Day you miserable old bastard.

Love from


  1. Oh gosh I'm tearing up. Your Dad would have been very proud of you and your beautiful children (see them on your instagram.) Chin up darling xxxx

    1. Thankyou very much i like to think that he would be :) xxx


I love reading your comments, i'll always reply so write as many or as few as you like :) It's always good to talk