Thursday, 15 September 2016

I need a break

The title of this post is a little confusing but hopefully I can explain.

In the last 2 weeks, my world has changed quite dramatically. I know minds will be racing with 'Oh god what's happened, is she ok'? But one thing a lot of people don't know about me is that I am a very private person when not with very close friends and because the situation involves other people, I'm also respecting their privacy.

Anyway like I said, my life has taken a huge turn and I am now in a very difficult position where my life has done a complete 360 and a lot has changed and will have to be changed. The initial thing that happened to me and my family has now set off a landslide of other runs of pure bad luck that seem to be following me around like the plague. If anyone tells you bad luck comes in 3s...believe them.

I've been around for 30 years now and I have spent the majority of that being the 'rock' for everyone else and their problems and don't get me wrong, I have loved being able to help everyone around me but there comes a point where I have to pull off my armour and admit defeat. I have spent so long putting everyone else before myself that I've forgotten that I'm the same as everyone else - I have feelings, I have my own problems to deal with and even sometimes I need help. Unfortunately because of the absolute shit I am going through, there is no one and nothing that can help me - Ironic isn't it, someone who trained to be a counsellor that cannot listen to their own advice.

It's not often I feel like a failure, I admit when I'm wrong of course (well, eventually) but in the last 2 weeks, circumstances have made me feel like I can do nothing right and that I've failed to make everything better. It's not something I should be feeling but because it's been so hard to cope with, I've hit rock bottom. The worrying thing for me is that I have been in this kind of place before many years ago and the prospect of reliving that time is terrifying me which is why I need to take some massive action right now to stop it happening.

I'm bloody lucky and I mean REALLY lucky to have some amazing friends and family that have supported me lately but in turn, I feel like all I am doing is bringing them down and I refuse to do it anymore. It's driving me mad because I've been trying so hard to put on my happy face and show the world 'I'm OK' but it's getting harder every day that I'm faking it. For example, a very dear friend of mine recently got engaged and I wish I could celebrate with her but I would just end up being miserable and ruining it for her and that's the last thing in the world I want to do.

The hardest thing of all is that even with all the shit I am dealing with, I still have to be a mum. My daughter is being so supportive but she doesn't need her mum falling apart at the seams and she is like my driving force to get my head together and get my life sorted.

I've made the huge decision to literally cut myself off from the world. I know I will get people ringing and texting, I'm getting it now but I really need to be left alone. I've made plans to go away next week just so I can get out of Hull and try to figure out what is best for me, whether it will help or not I can't say but I hope to fuck it gives me something. I will be continuing to go to work, apart from the fact I need the money, work is a huge distraction which right now is a blessing and I work with some very kind people who know about my situation.

So this goodbye isn't permanent, not by a long stretch but I've hit an all time low and I'm refusing to go any lower.

I'll talk to you all soon

Kate x

My Best Advice For New Mummy's!

Being a new mummy is one of the most exciting and terrifying experiences ever. There are lots of changes that will take place in your life from now on. So, it’s handy when you have some advice to help you get started:

Understand That It Takes Time To Adjust

I’m about to hit you with the most cliche advice out there; you must understand that it takes time to adjust. Giving birth is a massive part of your life, and things will change forever. It’s understandable that this might be a shock to you at first. Obviously, you spend nine months getting everything ready. You make your home baby-proof, and get their room and crib all sorted. But, nothing can prepare you for the moment you give birth. Living with a newborn baby is a tough task, no one will deny that. Your life will be very different, and that’s normal. Don’t think that you aren’t a good mum just because you struggle early on. Everyone struggles with their first child! You’ve never had an experience like this before, how on earth will you not struggle? It’s normal, and you should get that stuck into your head. Things will take time, and you’ll gradually adjust. There’s no definitive time frame for when the adjustment will come. It takes longer for some people than others. But, believe me, you’ll get used to your new life.

Don’t Forget The Thank You’s

When you give birth, it can be easy to get caught up at the moment with your new family. But, you have to remember all the people that helped you during this difficult time. There were countless people that supported you and made life a lot easier. Think about all your friends that threw a baby shower for you. It was great and gave you lots of joy during a time where your moods were all over the place. Then, there’s the doctors and nurses that helped make giving birth as bearable as possible. It’s important that you thank everyone, as they played a huge role in your life. Especially all the friends and family that helped you out. They’ll be expecting a thank you, so, you don’t want to sour relations. Consider things like Sleepymoon Cards for baby showers & christening. A simple thank you card will be enough to put a smile on everyone’s face. Plus, thanking friends and family makes it more likely they’ll help you out again. So, when you need a babysitter, you can turn to your close relatives with confidence. You don’t want to end up doing things all on your own, so, remember the thank you’s for the people that matter most.

Rushing Is The Worst Thing To Do

Many modern mums are guilty of rushing after giving birth. What do I mean by this? I mean they try and rush back into their usual routine. They want to get back to work and return to their job. This is a problem that a lot of men underestimate. When someone becomes a new dad, their usual routine doesn’t get affected too much. They might go on paternity leave for a week, then head back into action. For us mums, it’s way different to that. We’re off on maternity leave before the baby is due. Then, we’re off after the birth to recover and stay with the baby. We could end up being off work for months during all this time. That’s a lot of time away from your job, particularly if you work full-time. Trying to balance your work and life is a huge problem for new mums. You want to get back to work, as you feel comfortable there. You like working, and earning money for the family. But, you don’t want to leave your baby, as you want to spend as much time with them as possible. In the end, too many women decide to rush back into work. Often, this is because of the first point I made at the start of this piece. Their life has changed, and they want to try and revert it back to normal. So, going to work seems like a good solution. However, I recommend you take as much time off as possible. Maternity leave is there for a reason, make good use of it. Stay with your baby and start forming that everlasting maternal bond. Plus, you could try and work something out with your job. Let’s say you do a bit of work from home, or, you slowly ease yourself back in part-time. Whatever you do, don’t rush the decision to go back to work.

Use this advice and I hope it will help make life easier for you. Don’t be afraid of being a mum, embrace the new challenges!

Monday, 12 September 2016

Fashion Accessories: Do You Own These Style Staples?

From hats to sunglasses, accessories are a great way of adding style and personality to an outfit. You can use them to dress up an outfit for a special occasion like a wedding or a girls night out.  But they can also be used to add interest to basic pieces to create a new look each time. Many of us buy current on-trend accessories on impulse, only to find they look outdated within a short time. There is nothing wrong with this, but it can be wasteful and a drain on your finances. Thankfully there are some accessories which never go out of fashion, no matter how you wear them. So to fill your accessories wardrobe with timeless style staples, use this checklist to help you.

Pearl Necklace

Pearl necklaces have been a must-have accessory for fashionistas for decades. Whether you wear a single string of pearls or layer them, they can add instant class and glamour to an outfit. Wear yours with an evening dress for an elegant feel or add to your favourite band t-shirt for an interesting clash of styles. Pearl necklaces can also be worn in your hair or added to your handbag for a unique look. In addition to a necklace, pearl bracelets and earrings can also be fantastic additions to your collection. You can find and buy pearl jewellery online or in most reputable jewellery stores to suit any kind of budget.

Leather handbag

Whether you’re going on a weekend away or a date, a leather handbag is a valuable accessory to own. They are build to last, easy to keep clean and come in an array of styles and colours. They also work well when combined with casual or formal attire. You can find leather handbags online from specialist leather retailers and handbag stores. Think carefully about how much you usually like to carry around with you to help you choose the most suitable size possible. Also, try not to choose colours and designs which are too contemporary. Instead look for classic designs in black or tan leather which will work well with any outfit. And being a mum does not mean you shouldn't carry your babies essentials around in style, for some great ideas, take a look at this.


A watch is both stylish and practical, making it a must-have accessory for every woman. You can wear it alone or team it with similar looking bracelets and bangles. While many people only wear watches for work, they can look chic when worn with evening dresses for special occasions too. Again, try to stick to materials and colours which aren’t too contemporary. Colourful watches might look good now, but they may not stand the test of time or complement every outfit you wear. When it comes to watches, you can’t go wrong with black, silver or gold. To start your search for the perfect watch, look for reputable women’s watch retailers online.

If you don’t own some of the items on this list, it might be time to get shopping. No matter what your budget is, always buy the best quality you can afford rather than going for cheaper alternatives. This will ensure these accessories look good for decades to come.

Thursday, 8 September 2016

Kids And Divorce: Starting The Conversation

No matter how hard we try to make a marriage work, sometimes separation is the best and only option. Once the decision has been made, it’s crucial that you discuss getting divorced with your children. This isn’t an easy conversation to start and many parents put it off for as long as they possibly can. But as painful as it might be, the sooner you tell your kids, the easier it will be for them to cope with the news. So if you and your partner want to be open with your children about your separation but don’t know how follow these simple steps.

Choose the right time

As soon as you talk about your divorce, your child will feel vulnerable and upset. So it’s crucial that you choose the right time and environment to share this life-changing news. Avoid bringing up the subject before they go to school or bed. Instead, choose a day when you can be together as a family and not limited with time. This is not a conversation that should be rushed or mentioned in passing. It’s also always better to share this news at home where your child won’t be embarrassed about getting upset or angry.

Simplify the details

While it’s good to give some details to your kids about what your divorce will entail, don’t overwhelm them. Speak in an age appropriate manner and only divulge the details they really need to know about. Talk to them about your new living arrangements and how they will divide their time between the two of you. This is something you and your partner need to discuss at length before talking to your children.

If you haven’t already, look for experienced solicitors who specialise in family law such as Lennons Solicitors. Not only can they help you get the divorce process started but they can also give you advice on talking to your kids.

Be prepared for questions

Once you’ve shared the news of your divorce, you need to be prepared for a whole host of questions from your children. These can range from questions about what a divorce is to why you’ve come to this decision. Your child may also be concerned about birthdays and how they are going to get to school each day. So before you start the conversation about divorce, you should think about how you are going to answer these questions. You can seek advice from your solicitor or talk to other parents who have gone through a divorce previously. It’s important that there is cohesion between yours and your partner's answers to these questions. This will show them that your decision was a mutual one and that trust can still be maintained.

Remember that even though you know that a divorce is the most sensible solution, your kids might not see it at way at all. While some kids will accept and adjust easily, others may feel resentment or start acting out. Encourage them to share their feelings and provide reassurance and support throughout.